From: rogermw@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) Date: Fri, 17 Oct 1997 06:22:52 GMT Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.startrek.creative Subject: Borged to Death! A Marrissa Storys [sic], part 1/3 [PG] In honor of Stephen Brian Ratliff's recent posting of _All the King's Horses_, I've concocted a little ... heh heh ... Marrissa Story of my own. It's set about four years after _Falling Into Command_, giving plenty of lead time to everyone's favorite precocious megalomaniac. Don't worry, I've run it past Ratliff himself, and he is completely supportive of my story. Well, maybe not *completely* supportive of it. Oh, all right, he lived up to his role as RATMM's resident whipping boy by NOT ranting and raving about how I completely trashed his version of the Star Trek(R) universe. So, I took it as a green light. :-) One word of warning: This story is presented in screenplay format. If you see the word "(beat)" in the midst of some dialog, it means the person speaking is pausing for a short moment. And that's ALL it means. It does NOT mean he or she is practicing S-and-M. And so, without further ado, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's ... ---------BEGIN-----------------CUT HERE-----------------CUT HERE---------- BORGED TO DEATH! ---------------- Copyright (c) 1997 by Roger M. Wilcox . All rights reserved. All lefts reserved. The Star Trek(R) franchise and all related products mentioned herein are copyright patented registered-trademarked by Paramount Inc., and are used completely without their permission. Certain infamous characters appearing in this script are the property of Stephen Brian Ratliff. Establishing shot: ext. Nova-class Enterprise NCC-1701-F hurtles through space at warp 11. JEAN-LUC PICARD (offscreen) Admiral's log, stardate 65127.0. Outposts at the edge of the alpha quadrant have confirmed Starfleet's fears. The Borg have launched a major invasion. No less than twelve Borg cubes are on their way to key targets throughout the quadrant, and three are confirmed to be headed for the heart of the Federation. One of the cubes is steering clear of any government's space, and we have been ordered to rendezvous with a multi-government coalition fleet to engage it -- before *it* can engage *us*. Int. Enterprise F bridge. Yellow-alert panels are illuminated. TROI looks bored out of her skull. RIKER is pinching the bridge of his nose, as if nursing an annoyance-induced migraine. PICARD Time to rendezvous with Sigma Fleet? DATA Forty-seven minutes, thirty-three seconds. Picard drums his fingers impatiently on his armrest. PICARD Time to rendezvous with Sigma Fleet? DATA Forty-seven minutes, twenty-five seconds. Picard gets up and paces back-and-forth a couple of times, then sits back down again. PICARD Time to rendezvous with Sigma Fleet? DATA Forty-seven minutes, eight seconds. RIKER (willing to talk about *anything* to relieve the doldrum) So! How's Sara doing these days? PICARD Sara Alara Amber Flores Picard Gordon just broke eighteen minutes. RIKER (raising his eyebrows) Wow. Not a bad Kobayashi Maru time for a four-year-old. How old were you when *you* broke eighteen minutes, Captain? PICARD (wincing) I've never broken sixteen minutes, Will. TROI Captain, I sense feelings of inadequacy. PICARD Oh, put a sock in it, counselor. Picard taps his foot impatiently. PICARD Time to rendezvous with Sigma Fleet? DATA Forty-five minutes, fifty seconds. Ext. Enterprise F continuing to cruise away at warp 11. Title Sequence. Space: The Final Frontier(R). These are the voyages of the starship(R) Enterprise(R). It's continuing mission(R): to explore strange, new worlds(R). To seek out new life, and new civilizations(R). To boldly split infinitives where none have been split before! Star Trek: The Marrissa Storys [sic] ACT I Ext. Enterprise F comes out of warp to meet up with the rest of Sigma Fleet. Int. Enterprise F bridge. DATA Captain, Sigma Fleet is hailing us. PICARD (standing) Finally. Open a channel. Angle on viewscreen. The face of Romulan fleet commander TOMALAK appears. TOMALAK Well, well, if it isn't my old nemesis, Jean-Luc Picard! Funny we'd end up fighting alongside one another, isn't it? PICARD Oh, yeah, funny, ha ha, I'm rolling in the aisles grasping my sides in laughter. Now can the melodrama, Tomalak, we've got a quadrant to defend. How many ships are in Sigma Fleet? TOMALAK Well, let's see, there's you ... there's me ... Ext. Space. Tomalak's Bird of Prey decloaks in front of the Enterprise F. Int. Enterprise F bridge, angle on viewscreen. TOMALAK ... There's Korg son of Korg ... Ext. Space. A Klingon Bird of Prey decloaks next to the Romulan one. Int. Enterprise F bridge, angle on viewscreen. TOMALAK ... and there's Worf son of Mog. Ext. Space. The Defiant decloaks alongside the two birds of prey. Int. Enterprise F bridge, normal angle. PICARD (flabbergasted) That's *it*? Four ships? The four of us against an entire Borg cube?! I thought Sigma Fleet was supposed to be the biggest defensive wing our combined governments could put together! Angle on viewscreen. The picture splits, adding KORG SON OF KORG to the right half. KORG Apparently, both Starfleet and the Romulan military came to the same conclusion that our Klingon Deep Space Fleet commanders did. PICARD How's that? KORG Let the other governments send the bulk of their ships to Sigma Fleet. If our government sends only one or two token vessels, there won't be time to complain. That way, all but a couple of our own ships will be available to defend our homeworlds when the Borg close in. PICARD Great. There's no way we can defeat even one Borg ship with this pathetic fleet. Picard slumps down in his Captain's chair. PICARD The whole Federation Starfleet is going to be dividing its attention amongst three of those juggernauts. Four, if this wild-card cube attacks us. (addressing the viewscreen) Tomalak, Korg, continuing Sigma Fleet would be a suicide mission. We couldn't put a dent in that Borg cube. We can all do more good making our last stands at home. The viewscreen splits the picture again. It's getting a little crowded there. WORF now occupies the right one-third of the screen. WORF Admiral. There may be a way we can stop the Borg. But it will be very risky. PICARD Are you suggesting ... ? RIKER (grinning) It might be the only way, Admiral. PICARD (raising his hands and shaking his head) No, no, absolutely not. Out of the question. It would be better to get assimilated by the Borg. TROI (alarmed) Admiral! After what they did to you?! PICARD There is absolutely *no* *way* in *hell* I will *ever* unleash The Weapon! DATA Sir, there is a message coming in from Cardassia. It is being broadcast on several channels. PICARD (worried) Onscreen. The three-way split screen image blinks out and is replaced by ... a Borg. (Dramatic chord) This Borg looks very strange, though. Its body is partly transparent, and oozes around, almost as though it's made out of a liquid. It looks suspiciously like the stuff Odo is made out of. PICARD (slackjawed) A Founder. BORG (metallic voice) Cardassia and the Dominion presence within this quadrant have been assimilated. Further resistance is futile. If you do not surrender you will be punished. The screen blinks off, revealing only the stars beyond. PICARD (mumbling) Cardassia, the Jem Hadar, the Founders -- they didn't so much as slow the Borg down. Picard buries his face in his hands. RIKER Admiral ... ? PICARD (sighs) All right. We'll use The Weapon. Set course for Solar Oort cloud object 1173, warp thirteen. Tomalak, Korg, Worf, follow me. It's going to be a long night. DATA Course plotted and laid in, sir. PICARD (throws pointing-finger forward) Engage. Ext. Enterprise F and the rest of Sigma Fleet all rubber-band to warp. ACT II Ext. Enterprise F and Sigma Fleet in orbit around an icy 300-kilometer-wide comet about a half light-year from Earth's sun. There is a transparent dome visible on the comet's surface. Int. Inside of dome on comet's surface. A lobby-sized room with no ceiling offers a view of the stars through the dome above. Transporter effect: Picard, Riker, and three yellow-shirted Starfleet security personnel (two men, one woman) beam in. PICARD (testing his weight on his legs) Funny, this comet is less than a thirtieth as big across as Earth, yet we're experiencing a full one gee. RIKER (shrugs, grinning) I learned a long time ago never to question the Will of Roddenberry. PICARD (sighs, shakes his head) The turbolift's this way. They start walking toward the elevator. RIKER (grinning) Why couldn't we just beam down to the vault entrance? PICARD (pointing at the floor) Its beneath several kilometers of solid rock and ice. RIKER Transporters can operate through rock and ice, can't they? PICARD Not to that depth. RIKER But they beamed down inside the Genesis Planet in _Star Trek II_, didn't they? PICARD But that was -- RIKER And the tunnel they beamed into was, quote, miles underground, wasn't it? PICARD Uh, we couldn't beam down that far because ... uh, there was too much, uh, quantum destabilization in the rock strata ionisphere. RIKER Rock strata *ionisphere*? PICARD Uh, we had to phase-modulate the plasma inductor relays by bypassing the matrix flow inhibitors, and -- RIKER (grinning) You're just making all this up, aren't you? PICARD All right, all right! We have to take the turbolift down because we have this really neat turbolift set left over from "Disaster" and we need to kill some screen time! Picard presses a button next to the turbolift. The doors open. PICARD Now get in the damn elevator! The 5-person away team enters. The eleva-- er, the turbolift doors close. We see the turbolift from the outside, rapidly descending down a miles-long shaft. It looks suspiciously like the turbolift shaft from "Disaster". Inside the turbolift, the horizontal light bars flash upward past a frosted window. PICARD I don't have to tell you I'm scared to death about doing this. RIKER (grinning) Me too. PICARD You know, you grin at the most inane times. RIKER (grinning) The chicks seem to dig it. The female security officer beans him on the back of his head with the butt of her hand phaser. RIKER Ow! (turning to look at security officers behind him) Who did that? The female security officer whistles nonchalantly and looks off into the distance. PICARD It damn near wiped out the Federation when we stuffed The Weapon into its Pandora's box. "We'll need it as a last resort," the Starfleet Joint Chiefs said. "It'll be a deterrent against all-out invasion," they said. "A kind of mutually-assured destruction." But guess what, Starfleet Joint Chiefs? The Borg won't know *what* capabilities we have until they assimilate us! They don't *know* about The Weapon! RIKER (grinning) Calm down, Admiral, I'm sure everything'll be all right. PICARD You are really annoying, you know that? The turbolift doors open. A metal-walled hallway greets them. There is an enormous bank-vault-style door at the far end. RIKER The vault. They walk into the hallway and up near the vault door. PICARD Computer, this is Admiral Jean-Luc Picard. Soud effect: Computer chime. COMPUTER VOICE Jean-Luc Picard, voice print confirmed. PICARD Deactivate safety lockouts on Weapon vault, authorization Picard X-ray Mike zero zero plural Z Alpha. COMPUTER VOICE Authorization confirmed. Second authorization required for lockout deactivation. RIKER Computer, this is Admiral William T. Riker. Deactivate Weapon vault safety lockouts, authorization Riker Studmuffin Oscar Emmy four-five Bravo. COMPUTER VOICE Voice print and authorization confirmed. Safety lockouts deactivated. PICARD (sotto voce, to Riker) Studmuffin? RIKER (sotto voce) Hey, when you've got it, flaunt it. The female security officer whacks him again. RIKER Ow! PICARD Computer, this is Admiral Jean-Luc Picard. Open the vault. Authorization zero zero zero destruct zero. COMPUTER VOICE Warning! Weapon vault opening. A rotating yellow light on the ceiling comes on. There is a "kla-dunk", and the massive vault door creeks open. Angle on away team's faces. A sky-blue light emanates from the opening vault. They look on in awe. The background music gets ominous and dramatic. Steven Spielberg couldn't do it any better than this. Angle on what they see. The vault is completely filled with one solid two- meter-wide by three-meter-tall by twenty-two-meter-long block of ice. And encased in the ice, distorted but still visible, is a young woman. A young, blond-haired woman. Wearing a Starfleet uniform, a tiara on her head, and a 13.7 meter long wedding dress train stretched out behind her. And carrying a scepter in her left hand. PICARD (shaking with fright) The Weapon. Riker places his hand on a lever next to the vault door. PICARD It's not too late for us to back out, Will. We don't have to thaw her out. We could just close the vault back up and leave, pretend we never came here. RIKER (shaking his head) Do you remember the eipsode where 300 different quantum universes intersected and we met up with all those Enterprise-D's? Do you remember the glimpse we saw into a reality where the Borg were everywhere? PICARD (reluctantly nods) RIKER And did you see how *awful* that big square bushy beard looked on me?! There is no *way* I'm going to go through that again!! He pulls the lever sharply upward. The hum and glow of heaters fills the air. PICARD May our children forgive us.... Angle on ice block. It slowly melts. Ice chunks fall away, exposing more and more of the young woman encased within. Finally, she begins to stir. Her limbs and head move as though shrugging off the stiffness of a loooooong sleep. Her eyes open, giving off a baleful red glow. PICARD Marrissa, can you hear us? MARRISSA's brow furrows in anger. She points her scepter at the away team. MARRISSA (thundrous voice) *Bow down before me!!* Picard, Riker, and the security detail awkwardly fall to their knees, looking like Kirk and company did in "Plato's Stepchildren" when the aliens used their telekinetic powers to force them to kneel. Awkward like that. Marrissa examines them for a second or two, then puzzles. MARRISSA *You're* not the same ones who locked me in here! How long have I been imprisoned?! PICARD We put you in deep freeze three years ago. MARRISSA *What*?!?!! How *dare* you! How dare all of you!! Don't you know who I am?!?! PICARD Yes, you're -- MARRISSA I am Princess Marrissa Amber Flores Picard Gordon! (thumps her scepter on the ground) Heir to the throne of Essex, Starfleet rear admiral, Lord High Coordinator of all Kids Crews, and holder of the highest Kobayashi Maru time *ever*!! (sneers at Jean-Luc Picard) And I *was* Acting Commanding Admiral, Starfleet, until *you* regained consciousness and spoiled the whole deal! RIKER (sotto voce, to Picard) You could always go back into a coma. PICARD (sotto voce) Shh! Don't give her any ideas! Marrissa starts walking out of her formerly-icy tomb, trailing her 45-foot wedding train behind her. MARRISSA Three years, frozen solid. I can't believe I fell for it. "Look, Marrissa!", you said. "There are some Romulans in this vault! Fresh, young, unarmed Romulans, begging for you to blast them!" The oldest trick in the book! (beat) My brilliant powers of deduction tell me that you wouldn't unfreeze me *now* unless there's some emergency going on. (glares at Picard) Spill it. RIKER The quadrant's just been -- Marrissa speaks at Riker out of the side of her mouth, not taking her intense gaze off Picard: MARRISSA I don't remember asking *you*, laughing boy. PICARD (uncomfortable, clears his throat) There's a major invasion underway by the Borg. A sly grin begins to cross Marrissa's face. MARRISSA Did you say ... the Borg? PICARD Yes, they've, uh, sent at least a dozen cube ships into the Alpha quadrant. They've already assimilated the entire Cardassian empire, Dominion presence and all. MARRISSA I've been waiting to tangle with the Borg ever since I first humiliated Gul Dukat thirteen years ago. No, wait -- that'd be *sixteen* years ago. You jerks froze me solid back on stardate 62343 point seven. Which reminds me, I haven't had a thing to drink since then. Computer! Strawberry juice! A glass of strawberry juice materializes in Marrissa's hand. She guzzles voraciously. RIKER (sotto voce, to Picard) I didn't know they installed a replicator down here. PICARD (sotto voce, to Riker) They didn't. MARRISSA (finishing her drink) Ahhhhh! Just like mama Flores used to replicate. Now then, how many ships do we have in the immediate area? PICARD Four. The Defiant, the Klingon Bird of Prey Draaaaawg, the Enterprise F, and the R-- MARRISSA The Enterprise F? *My* ship? *You* were parading around the galaxy in *my* ship while I was stuck here, encased in a giant ice cube?! PICARD Please understand, it's the flagship of Starfleet, and I *am* Starfleet's commanding Admiral. MARRISSA *Were* commanding Admiral. You want me to take care of the Borg? Then you transfer all your authority to me. PICARD Er -- MARRISSA *Permanently*. Riker and Picard glance uncomfortably at each other. MARRISSA You have three seconds to decide. Two. One-- PICARD All right, all right! By the power vested in me as Commanding Admiral, Starfleet, I hereby permanently confer all command authority to (takes a deep breath) (speaks quickly, without a break) Marrissa Amber Flores Picard Gordon, decorated Starfleet Admiral, Princess and Heir to the Throne of Essex, Lord High Commander of All Starfleet Kids Crews, and record holder of the highest Kobayashi Maru time. (panting, almost out of breath) MARRISSA (grinning evilly) Thank *you*. (taps her comm badge) Marrissa to Enterprise, six to beam up. PICARD But we're miles underground! We can't beam up through this much solid -- Int. Enterprise F transporter room. Transporter effect. The away team and Marrissa appear. One crewmember materializes on each of the six little personnel pads; Marrissa's 45-foot wedding train fills the large cargo transporter pad in the center. PICARD -- rock and ice. (his look fades to amazement) MARRISSA (smugly, to transporter chief) Permission to come aboard. TRANSPORTER CHIEF (gulps) Uh, granted, m-m-ma'am. MARRISSA (flashing her pips) Admiral. I am *Admiral* Marrissa Amber Flores Picard Gordon, mister! TRANSPORTER CHIEF Y-y-es, Admiral! PICARD (still amazed) How did the transporter work through all that solid matter? MARRISSA Come come now, dad, Clara made that improvement years ago. Right after she discovered those two new integer warp speeds. Remember? Before Starfleet recalibrated the warp speed scale? PICARD Oh. Oh, yes, of course, I *do* recall hearing about it. (puzzled) I should have remembered that. Marrissa looks about the almost-empty transporter room. MARRISSA (snapping her fingers once) Bridesmaids! Six young ladies, whom the rest of the crew has never seen before, scurry in. They are dressed in the same bridesmaids dresses used at Marrissa's wedding. They line up in strategic positions along Marrissa's wedding train and lift it off the ground. MARRISSA We're going to the bridge! Marrissa begins marching out of the transporter room. Picard, Riker, the three security guards, and the six bridesmaids all follow. Marrissa scratches her head; something is missing. MARRISSA Oh, shoot! I forgot. (claps her hands twice) My music! The ever-present hallway speakers (the ones the computer and internal comm system normally use) begin playing the wedding march from the third act of Wagner's _Lohengrin_. (That's "Here comes the bride" for you less-than-musically-inclined readers.) MARRISSA No, no, no! *My* music! The speakers switch to Darth Vader's theme from the second and third Star Wars movies. MARRISSA Much better! Int. Enterprise F hallway. They march their way into the turbolift. The turbolift doors close, and the music ends. Unfortunately, they can't all fit inside, and when the turbolift departs for the bridge it pulls Marrissa's wedding train and her six screaming bridesmaids up behind it. Int. Turbolift. Lights flash downward through the frosted glass, indicating that the lift is going up. MARRISSA (over the muffled screams below) So ... what is my daughter up to? RIKER Oh, she's doing fine. She's still a little shy, but she's good friends with most of her classmates and -- MARRISSA I *meant*, what is her Kobayashi Maru time up to? RIKER (disappointed) Eighteen minutes, three seconds. MARRISSA And she's already four years old? Hmph. You've gotten soft on her in my absence. She should have broken twenty minutes by now. I'll have to fix that. Int. Enterprise F bridge. The other 3 ships in Sigma Fleet are shown on the viewscreen. The turbolift doors open, and Darth Vader's theme immediately blares out from it. Marrissa and her wedding train (and her bridesmaids, who are all miraculously unharmed) march out, followed by Picard and Riker. The three security guards presumably got off on a different deck. NAMELESS ENSIGN Admiral on the bridge! MARRISSA (correcting him) Commanding Admiral, Starfleet, and heir to the throne of Essex, on the bridge. She marches to the center of the bridge and sits in the command chair, right at the same moment Darth Vader's theme reaches its final bar. MARRISSA (surveying bridge and crew) I trust you haven't ruined my ship too badly while I was away? PICARD Um, Marrissa, I really think you should let me command the Enterprise F in this assault. MARRISSA Hah! You don't even know what we're going to *do* in the assault yet! PICARD Marrissa, please, these crew members have been under my command for almost three years. We're attuned to one anothers' strengths and weaknesses. We -- MARRISSA (smiling, pointing at viewscreen) Oh, look! Angle on viewscreen. All the lights on the Romulan bird of prey wink out, and the ship lists as though lifeless. The background music plays a dramatic chord. RIKER What the ... ? DATA Sensors show high levels of trichloroetha- fluoronitrozene in the air on board the Romulan ship. PICARD (turns, looks at Marrissa) Marrissa? MARRISSA (shrugs) Oops, I guess somebody must've released that adult-knock-out drug developed by the Maquis into the Romulans' ventilation system. I wonder who could have done such a thing. PICARD Marrissa! Don't you know?! The Ratliff Gas doesn't affect Romulans the same way! Against Romulan physiology, it's instantly fatal! MARRISSA Oh dear. PICARD You've just poisoned the entire crew of the, the, what's the name of that Romulan ship, Number One? RIKER The Roanoke. PICARD Of the Roanoke! MARRISSA Well, they were only Romulans. The veins on Picard's neck stand out. His face nearly turns purple. TROI I sense anger, Admiral. Picard thinks about exploding, but fortunately, something else starts to bug him. PICARD Wait a minute ... the "Roanoke"? RIKER Yes sir. PICARD The *Romulans* have a ship called the Roanoke?! MARRISSA *Had* a ship called the Roanoke. PICARD I ... I ... (very, very puzzled) I can't remember what I was going to say. RIKER I can have the ship's doctor check you for Alzheimer's if you'd like, Admiral. MARRISSA (interrupting) Nope, there's no time for that now. We have to get a replacement crew over to the Roanoke. And I think the entire standard crew complement of the Enterprise F will do nicely. PICARD What?! You want to send my whole crew into a Romulan vessel they've never even seen the controls of before?! MARRISSA You'll be far more useful over there, trust me. And since that'll leave the Enterprise understaffed, I guess I'll just have to activate my Kids Crew! PICARD You only need a 40-member skeleton crew to operate a Bird of Prey! There isn't even room on that ship for half my crew! We'll all get in each others' way! MARRISSA Transporter room, beam the entire crew over to the Roanoke. Then beam yourselves over there, too. PICARD You can't do this to -- Transporter effect. The entire bridge crew vanishes. The only ones left on the bridge are Marrissa and her six bridesmaids, who are still holding her wedding train (it's draped across the tactical console). MARRISSA (to ship's computer) Now then. (Picks up a PADD) From among the *non*-standard crew complement, I'll need the following bridge officers: Commander Jay Alan Gordon, first officer. Alexander Rozhenko, tactical. Shayna Sachs, conn. MYSTERIOUS VOICE (out of frame) CONNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! MARRISSA (shrugs) Ross Lochard, ops. No, wait -- he was tortured to death by Romulans, wasn't he? Damn. I was so looking forward to playing "security drill" with him. (giggles) Oh well, I'll do the next best thing. (presses buttons on armrest) Have Patterson Supra replace Ross at ops. And I'll need Princess Clara Sutter Rozhenko to take over as chief engineer. Int. Roanoke bridge. It's a typical, squalid Romulan Bird of Prey bridge. Transporter effect as Picard and his bridge crew materialize. PICARD -- me! DATA It would appear that she can, sir. PICARD Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it, *damn* *it*! I knew we should never have released her! (sighs) All right, crew, we might as well get this show on the road. Take whatever station you used to have on the Enterprise. If there's no Romulan equivalent for what you used to do, improvise. Picard moves to sit down in the command chair. Just before his hinder touches the seat, a pre-recorded voice interrupts him: MARRISSA'S VOICE I wouldn't do that if I were you. PICARD That voice sounds familiar. (extremely puzzled) I heard that voice not thirty seconds ago. I should know who that is. But I can't for the life of me figure out whose voice I'm hearing! Picard tries to sit down again. And once again, before butt meets chair: MARRISSA'S VOICE I wouldn't do that if I were you. PICARD (puzzled beyond belief) Will, I don't think I'm fit to command! I swear, I can feel my mental faculties going! Something is turning me dirt stupid! RIKER I'll take the bridge. You get yourself down to sick bay and have Mrs. Picard give you a thorough brain scan. PICARD (looking exhausted) Right, right. Just ... just let me sit down first. Picard sits all the way down in the command chair. MARRISSA'S VOICE I warned you. Sound effects of operating transporter. Picard looks up. PICARD Oh no. Five hundred gallons of strawberry juice materialize over Picard's head and crash down on him. The sound is not unlike Niagara Falls. Strawberry juice floods the bridge deck and splatters over every console and viewscreen. PICARD Agggggh! My spine! Int. Enterprise F bridge. The new bridge crew is all in place. MARRISSA All right, Sigma Fleet, set a course for the Borg cube you were originally assigned to attack, warp fifteen. Worf appears on the viewscreen. WORF Admiral, even with the Defiant's newly modified engines, my ship cannot cruise faster than warp fourteen. MARRISSA Cry me a river, cheese-grater head. Engage! Ext. Shot of Sigma Fleet. All four ships jump to warp. [continued in part 2 of 3] -- Roger M. Wilcox (rogermw@ix.netcom.com) -- without prejudice UCC 1-207 I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low. Oh, and I'm sodium. MSTie # 38808 | http://www.netcom.com/~rogermw ... now in new EXTRA bold! <*> | "The Truth, as always, is more complicated than that" From: rogermw@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) Date: Fri, 17 Oct 1997 06:24:13 GMT Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.startrek.creative Subject: Borged to Death! A Marrissa Storys [sic], part 2/3 [PG] [_Borged to Death!_, continued from part 1] ACT III Ext. Sigma Fleet warping through deep space, towards a speck in the distance. Int. Enterprise F bridge. Close-up on Marrissa. She's drinking a glass of strawberry juice, reading a PADD, and generally looking smug. MARRISSA's VOICE (voice-over) Princess Commanding Admiral's log, stardate 65127.5. Everything is going according to my brilliant plans. Bwa ha ha ha ha. Int. Sickbay on board the Romulan Bird of Prey Roanoke. DOCTOR BEVERLY CRUSHER PICARD is running one of those salt-shaker-looking things with the rotating light in it back-and-forth over Jean-Luc Picard's head, while looking at a medical tricorder. DR. CRUSHER Hmmm ... your nurepinephrine levels are well over Joshnston's Instability Threshold. It looks as if your neural pathways are quantum-linked with the polypeptide chains in your ... uh, in your ... in that, uh, part of your brain behind the ... uh ... (beat) That's odd, I knew what that part of the brain was called this morning. (puzzled) What's going on? I should be able to spout medical technobabble *twice* as rapidly as this without so much as stumbling. She runs the medical scanner salt-shaker thingy over her own head, and reads her tricorder. DR. CRUSHER Oh, no! My brain chemistry is undergoing exactly the same changes as yours is! PICARD You mean *you're* turning into a bumbling moron, too? DR. CRUSHER Yes! My tricorder is clearly showing ... that is, I *think* it's showing ... oh, for crying out loud! I can't even read this anymore! This tricorder looks like just a jumble of random, blinking lights! Close-up on the tricorder's display. It really *is* just a jumble of random, blinking lights. (What do you expect from a stage prop?) Picard covers his face with his right hand. PICARD I think I know what's happening. DR. CRUSHER What? PICARD (sighs) It's the Kids Crew Effect. DR. CRUSHER I'm not familiar with -- PICARD Every time Marrissa's Kids Crew is involved on a mission, all adults within three light- years automatically become less competent and less knowledgeable than the dumbest kid on the Kids Crew. It's one of the ways Marrissa managed to win victory after victory, even when she was armed only with a communicator and a flute. DR. CRUSHER Oh, great. That brat of yours is giving us Alzheimers. Any idea why no one else has reported being affected yet? PICARD Because Data is an android and is probably immune, Troi is useless, and Riker already *is* a moron. Everyone else just probably feels a little off-their-game for now and doesn't realize they're under Her Royal Highness's influence. Trust me, this could get a lot worse once we enter combat. Abruptly, the lights turn red and the Red Alert klaxons blare. PICARD Red alert? But we're still nearly an hour away from the Borg cube. RIKER'S VOICE (off screen, filtered) Admiral, you'd better come up to the bridge. There's something you should see. PICARD On my way. Picard gets up to leave. DR. CRUSHER But you're in no condition to command an unfamiliar starship! PICARD I have to. If I don't go to the bridge, I'll never find out what's going on. They never tell me anything more than "There's something you should see". (begins walking out hurriedly) Besides, would *you* trust this ship to Will Riker? Int. Enterprise F bridge. Angle on the viewscreen, as seen over Marrissa's tiara. Several small objects are hurtling toward the ship. MARRISSA So ... the Borg have finally started deploying fighters. I was wondering when the idea would get through their steel- plated skulls. JAY GORDON Shall we launch our own fighters? MARRISSA Nah, I'm saving them for a special occasion. Helm! Evasive pattern Marrissa Mozart's 40th Symphony, Second Movement! SHAYNA Aye, ma'am! Ext. Borg fighters close in on Enterprise F. They look like the fighters the alien bad-guys used in _Space: Above and Beyond_. The Enterprise suddenly flips over and does a neat twisty-turny maneuver that results in two Borg fighters accidentally crashing into one another. Int. Enterprise F bridge. ALEXANDER Two down, six to go! MARRISSA Quantum torpedoes, fire! Ext. Enterprise F fires three quantum torpedoes. (Those are the bright white glowing weapons they shot at the Borg escape pod in _Star Trek: First Contact_.) Three Borg fighters explode into fragments. Int. Enterprise F bridge. ALEXANDER All direct hits, ma'am! Two fighters are returning fire! Angle on viewscreen. Photon-torpedo-looking balls of light streak out from two of the fighters on a direct course for the Enterprise. MARRISSA Patterson, lock tractor beams on those torpedoes and push them back! PATTERSON Tractor beams engaged! Ext. Enterprise F. The two photon-torpedo-looking things slow down, stop, and reverse course toward the Borg fighters. Both score direct hits on the fighters that launched them and blow them up. Int. Enterprise F bridge. MARRISSA They always fall for that old trick. Funny, nobody else ever seems to use it. ALEXANDER Only one fighter remaining, Admiral! MARRISSA Launch all fighters! Ext. Enterprise F fighter bay. (It's an immense fighter bay, too, being from four to five decks high and all.) About a zillion Federation fighters stream out. They look identical to the fighters Wesley and Paris got busted for doing that Starburst maneuver in. Int. Enterprise F bridge. MARRISSA All fighters, open fire! Tactical, full phaser spread, engage all available quantum torpedo tubes and fire! Ext. Enterprise F and fighters. An unimaginable cacophony of phaser and torpedo fire erupts from every nook and cranny of the Nova-class Enterprise and from each Federation fighter in view. The last poor Borg fighter finds itself at the focal point of all these terawatts upon terawatts of destructive energy, and goes straight from a solid to a plasma. Some of its lighter component atoms even undergo a brief bout of nuclear fusion. Int. Enterprise F bridge. Marrissa buffs her nails against her uniform. MARRISSA Ender Wiggin's got nothin' on me. Ext. Roanoke. They're not doing nearly as well as Marrissa. Patches of the Romulan shields flicker as torpedoes from the Borg fighters impact them. Int. Roakoke bridge. There are still little splatters of strawberry juice here and there. Angle on viewscreen. RIKER Helm! Evasive pattern Marrissa Rossini's Overture to William Tell! Engage! Viewscreen shows the stars streak by in a different direction as the crew practices a Bridge Lurch. However, a second later, the ship still rocks from the impact of another Borg torpedo. A door to the bridge slides open. Picard enters. RIKER No, darn it! Evasive pattern Marrissa Wagner's Das Rheingold Act One, Engage! PICARD (interrupting) Ops, engage the cloaking device! RIKER But sir! We can't shoot them when we're cloaked! PICARD You're not shooting them *now*, in case you haven't noticed. Ext. Roanoke. The Romulan Bird of Prey wavers and turns invisible. Int. Roanoke bridge. DATA The Borg fighters are breaking off their attack, sir. PICARD They figure if they can't see us, we must not be there. RIKER You didn't even let me shoot *one* of them! I've never had the chance to fire a Romulan plasma torpedo before! *Now* how am I going to get my Borg sharpshooter merit badge? PICARD If we'd stayed visible much longer, this whole ship would have been destoryed. RIKER De-*storied*? PICARD Di - di - I meant, de-*stroyed*! Cripes, now even my speech patterns are beginning to sound like typos! DATA Admiral, incoming message from the Enterprise. PICARD Onscreen. Angle on Roanoke's viewscreen. Marrissa appears. MARRISSA Oh, dad, thanks so much for the show, but I can handle it from here. Now don't get too close to that naughty Borg cube, I wouldn't want you to get hurt. Enterprise out. Viewscreen switches back to the starfield. PICARD But -- (beat) Great. Just great. TROI I sense frustration, Admiral. Picard throws a threatening glance at Troi. PICARD I swear, if I could think right now, I'd be coming up with creative ways to kill you. (beat) Except that I'd enjoy it more if I used them on Marrissa. Int. Enterprise F bridge. Marrissa is relaxing with yet another glass of strawberry juice. She is admiring the glint of her scepter. The first officer's seat is noticeably empty. MARRISSA'S VOICE (voice-over) Princess Commanding Admiral's log, stardate 65127.6. Now that those pesky Sigma Fleet ships are out of my hair, I'm free to engage the Borg one-on-one. It's good ta be da king. Er, queen. Er, first-in-line princess. At least I'll *get* to be the queen when that old crone-on-the-throne finally keels over. Did I mention how much I detest my personal titles? MARRISSA (glancing over at the first officer's seat) Now where'd my first officer get to? We're only a few minutes away from the Borg cube. CLARA Jay's your husband, too, you know. MARRISSA Which is why it's so much fun to assign him to a position directly under me. Marrissa suddenly realizes the unintentional innuendo of what she just said. MARRISSA Oh, geez, get that idea *right* out of your prurient little minds! PATTERSON But we didn't say any-- MARRISSA You *know* Jay and I only ever "did it" on our wedding night! CLARA (surprised) You only ... *once*?! MARRISSA One pregnancy was enough! Feh! And, and he used his icky boy-thing, too! Ew, yuck! I knew I should have kept my virginity intact. SHAYNA (mouthing the words silently:) Boy-thing? CLARA (uneasy at Marrissa's admission) But if you'd kept your, uh, virginity intact, you'd've never had Marrissa junior. MARRISSA Big deal. An eighteen-oh-three Kobayashi Maru time. I could do that in my *sleep* at her age. Is that little rugrat still on board? The turbolift opens. Jay Gordon enters the bridge, holding hands with a four-year-old girl. JAY GORDON She certainly is. Marrissa turns an looks. MARRISSA Sara! JAY GORDON (to the little girl) Sara Alara, I'd like to introduce you to (points at Marrissa) your mother. SARA (screams) Eeeeeeeeeeeee! Sara runs around behind Jay Gordon and hides behind one of his legs. SARA (pointing at Marrissa) Demon! Deeeeeeeeemonnnnn! MARRISSA Don't be ridiculous. It's me! Mommy! SARA She's in all my nightmares, daddy! Make her go away! JAY GORDON Uh, maybe this isn't such a good time for you two to get re-acquainted. Uh, Timmy? A Kids Crew Acting Ensign, not much older than Sara, steps out of the turbolift and escorts the girl off the bridge. The girl is more than happy to leave. TIMMY Come on, Sara, wanna go play redshirts and Romulans? The two enter the turbolift. Clara enters the turbolift too, 'cause she's supposed to be in engineering which I forgot. The turbolift closes and leaves. Jay Gordon walks back to his First Officer's chair. MARRISSA That's not the Sara Alara *I* remember bringing up. First thing tomorrow, batl'eth drills for her. With the holodeck safety protocols disengaged. JAY GORDON Give her a little time to adjust, she hasn't seen you in -- MARRISSA Don't question me. JAY GORDON (quickly) Yes'm. ALEXANDER Borg vessel within range, Admiral. MARRISSA Onscreen. Angle on viewscreen. It looks like every other Borg cube you've ever seen. MARRISSA Red alert! Shields up! Start cycling the quantum torpedoes! Helm, take us in nice and close. SHAYNA Maneuvering in close, Admiral. Ext. Enterprise F closes in on the Borg cube. Int. Enterprise F bridge. PATTERSON Incoming message from the Borg cube. MARRISSA (yawns) Gimmie audio only. BORG VOICE (off-screen, filtered) We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. MARRISSA Close the channel. BORG VOICE You will be assimi-- The transmission cuts off. The viewscreen shows that the Borg cube is getting mighty close. A wide flickering bluish beam appears out of the cube's upper corner. ALEXANDER Borg vessel at fifty thousand kilometers and closing. They're attempting to lock on with a tractor beam. MARRISSA All right! Helm, take evasive pattern (beat) Beethoven's Symphony Number Nine in D minor -- Fourth Movement! And switch on the contrail! SHAYNA (astounded) Aye, ma'am! Ext. Enterprise F evading the Borg cube. Tractor beams lance out behind the Enterprise, narrowly missing it at each turn. From behind the two warp nacelles, a glowing orange-pink trail of ions starts appearing behind the ship. As the Enterprise dodges and curves, the ion contrail begins to take on a definite shape. It looks like handwriting. When the Enterprise is done swooping across the void in front of the Borg ship, our point of view zooms back, and we can see that the ship's contrail has spelled out the words, "I lost to a bunch of kids". Int. Enterprise F bridge. Marrissa frowns. MARRISSA You forgot to dot the "i"! Marrissa smacks Shayna on the back of the head with her scepter. SHAYNA Ow! PATTERSON Another incoming message from the Borg. MARRISSA Put it on audio. BORG VOICE (off-screen, filtered) Losing to a bunch of kids is futile. You will be assimilated. MARRISSA Cut the channel. PATTERSON Channel closed. The ship lurches a little bit. ALEXANDER They've succeeded in locking a tractor beam onto us! MARRISSA Helm, turn us to face the cube. (she grins evilly) Shayna, (beat) Lower the forward shields! SHAYNA But, ma'am -- Marrissa raises her scepter as if to strike Shayna again. SHAYNA Lowering forward shields! The viewscreen shows the Borg cube drawing them closer ... closer ... MARRISSA (ominously) Now ... (beat) Transporter room ... beam me onto the Borg cube! All stare at Marrissa in open-mouthed astonishment. Even her normally stoic bridesmaids raise their eyebrows. TRANSPORTER CHIEF'S VOICE (off-screen, filtered) Energizing! Transporter effect. Marrissa, her 45-foot wedding train, and her six bridesmaids all shimmer and vanish. Int. Borg cube. One of the cube's larger receiving areas. Marrissa and her bridesmaids (and her wedding train) all sparkle into existence. Several Borg drones march toward her. Close-up on the Borg drones. They have the pointy ears, devilish eyebrows, and bumpy foreheads characteristic of ... Romulans. MARRISSA (licking her chops) Romulan Borg. The best of both worlds. Marrissa sticks her arms out to either side, like a crucifix. MARRISSA *Assimilate* *me*, *baby*!! The Borg reach her and stick those Borg assimilation probes into her neck. And into the necks of her six bridesmaids. Marrissa appears to fall unconscious with the most satisfied smile on her face we've seen yet. Special Effects: We get to see the Borg collective from Marrissa's point of view. It looks rather like the part in _Tron_ where Flynn got sucked into the computer. Or the part in _The Lawnmower Man_ where the guy's mind got sucked into the computer. Or ... well, you get the picture. Marrissa's consciousness is now inside a cheesy (but expensive-looking) computer- generated universe. MARRISSA'S VOICE (off-screen) The whole Borg collective. All laid out right in front of me. The point of view begins to move forward. First slowly, then faster and faster. We are headed toward a ball of light up ahead with several glowing pipelines converging in it. MARRISSA'S VOICE (off-screen) Come to mama. We enter the ball of light, and the whole universe fragments into several pieces, all headed in different directions. We're trying to artfully imply that Marrissa has sent her consciousness off in several directions at once, here, guys. Soon, each of these new fragmented points of view reaches another ball-of-light-with-glowing-pipelines-converging in it, and then these sections of the screen split up further into whole lots of different points of view. And we keep going faster all the time. MARRISSA'S VOICE (off-screen) I ... am ... Marrissa! ... Queen ... of ... the ... universe! ... The whirling cacophony of light and sound reaches a feverish pitch. MARRISSA'S VOICE (off-screen) *Resistance* ... *is* ... *futile*!! Ext. Borg cube. The whole Borg cube blows up. Int. Enterprise F bridge. Panicked eyes look on as the cube containing their Renowned Leader blast itself to bits. PATTERSON Reports are coming in from all over the quadrant! Borg ships are either powering down completely, or blowing up on their own! There is a low hum. The green wavering of the Borg transporter effect fills the area in front of the command chair (and a fat ribbon behind it). SHAYNA Confirmed. All the Borg in the quadrant are dead! The Borg transporter effect finishes. Marrissa stands facing the viewscreen, scepter and tiara and all, her wedding train outstretched behind her, her bridesmaids wearing a few Borg implants but looking none the worse for wear. Marrissa's arms are still outstretched crucifix-style. There is a small Borg implant just below and to one side of her chin. MARRISSA *Damn*!! (lowers her arms) Stunned silence. ALEXANDER Uh, ma'am ... ? MARRISSA Half the collective severed its link before I could get to them! Almost all the Borg in the Delta Quadrant are still alive! She rips the Borg implant out of her neck and throws it on the deck. MARRISSA Stupid Borg hardware! Can't even sustain a decent high-bandwidth uplink! She clenches her fists, closes her eyes hard, grits her teeth, and growls toward the ceiling. MARRISSA *Aaarrrrrrrgh*!! (pants heavily, in anger, then calms down. A little.) All right, I'll just have to pick 'em off one at a time, then! Helm, set a course for the Delta Quadrant! Warp thirty! SHAYNA Warp *thirty*?!! Maximum warp for the Nova class is eighteen! MARRISSA What?!? (taps comm badge) Bridge to engineering! I need warp thirty! CLARA'S VOICE (off-screen, filtered) Uh ... if you're willing to risk blowing a gasket on the injection chamber, I might be able to pull warp eighteen point five. MARRISSA Oh, come *on*, Clara! You've had three years to find new integer warp speeds and break all the laws of physics! You should be up to at *least* warp 35 by now! CLARA'S VOICE Yes, I *did* have three years, and one of the things I discovered in that time was that there *are* no integer warp speeds past Warp Seventeen. I did a whole long mathematical proof of it and everything. MARRISSA Whassa matter, ya chicken? Buck, buck, buck-awk! CLARA'S VOICE Well ... there *is* the old Transwarp Threshold. You know, what we used to call the "Warp Ten Barrier"? MARRISSA Well then. Let's go! CLARA'S VOICE But if we go infinite speed, we all turn into giant lizards and mate with each other. MARRISSA Mate? Ewww! With those boy-things and everything! Ew, gross! SHAYNA'S VOICE (pensive) Then again ... we *could* store everybody's old DNA in the transporter pattern buffers, and have the computer automatically switch us back to our original species after we drop back to finite speed. MARRISSA Now you're talking! Let's do it! Next stop, the Delta Quadrant! (beat) And when the Borg are extinct, there'll be no one to stand in my way. Dramatic chord. Fade to commercial. [continued in part 3 of 3] -- Roger M. Wilcox (rogermw@ix.netcom.com) -- without prejudice UCC 1-207 I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low. Oh, and I'm sodium. MSTie # 38808 | http://www.netcom.com/~rogermw ... now in new EXTRA bold! <*> | "The Truth, as always, is more complicated than that" From: rogermw@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) Date: Fri, 17 Oct 1997 06:25:35 GMT Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.startrek.creative Subject: Borged to Death! A Marrissa Storys [sic], part 3/3 [PG] [_Borged to Death!_, continued from part 2] ACT IV Ext. deep space. The Roanoke de-cloaks. PICARD'S VOICE (voice-over) Admiral's log, stardate 65127.6 and a little bit extra. Int. Roanoke bridge. Picard is milling about impatiently. PICARD'S VOICE (continued) (voice-over) The Weapon has achieved our goal. No Borg are left in the Alpha Quadrant. Now comes the hard part. We have to get our djinni back in her bottle before she decides to take over the Federation -- or to annihilate it. RIKER (grinning) You don't have a plan to put her back, do you? PICARD *Starfleet* doesn't have a plan to put her back. We didn't have a plan the first time, either. RIKER We could shoot at the Enterprise F's bridge and hope she gets taken out. PICARD No, no, she'll see us coming, even with our cloaking device. We'd be blown to smithereens before we were close enough to target her bridge. DATA We could wait until she was asleep. The rest of her Kids Crew may lack the skill to detect a cloaked ship. If so, we might be able to sneak within transporter range before they can raise their shields. PICARD Hmmm ... we don't know for sure when she *will* be asleep, or that we can avoid detection. It'd be a tough gamble. GEORDI LAFORGE We could bypass the quantum phase-modulator arrays in the plasma conduits, thereby frequency-limiting the gravimetric fluctuations in the warp nacelles and hopefully inducing a soliton static-warp shield-harmonic attenuation grid over the triassic subresonance field. DATA But that would nullify the antideuteron injector assembly's Heisenberg destabilizers and could potentially cause a cascading magneton collapse in the ambivulent bivationary falvebarms. PICARD You two have been playing with the random technobabble generator, haven't you? GEORDI (smugly) Admiral, I *am* the random technobabble generator! PICARD We're going with Mister Data's plan. We need to know when Marrissa's next nap time is due. Do we have any archive data on her sleeping patterns? DATA (interrupting) We have an incoming message from Federation headquarters, sir. It is ... the President. PICARD The *President*? Onscreen! Angle on viewscreen. LWAXANA TROI's face appears. LWAXANA Admiral! May I say, your shiny scalp is looking quite handsome today! PICARD Uh ... thank you, madame President. LWAXANA Admiral, I've just received word from the Defiant. They've been pursuing the Enterprise from a safe distance under cloak, and monitoring its activity. Their readings indicate that the Enterprise is preparing to break the Transwarp Threshold. PICARD The old Warp Ten Barrier? Marrissa must be out of her mind! LWAXANA Admiral, if she can do it without turning into a salamander, she could go anywhere in the universe. Instantly. There's not a nook or cranny in any quadrant that would be safe from her. She could even go so far as to invade the Andromeda Galaxy and enslave the Kelvans. (she leans closer) This is an *election year*, Jean-Luc! If all of galactic civilization falls, I'd lose the vote in *several key states*! You have to stop her *now*. Federation out. The viewscreen reverts to its normal view of space. PICARD (groans) Red alert, set course for the Enterprise's last known location, maximum warp. Red alert lights go on. Picard sits down in the command chair. DATA Course plotted and laid in, sir. PICARD (pointing in classic Captain Picard style) Engage. Sound effects: Romulan warp engines powering up. Without warning, President Lwaxana Troi pops back on the viewscreen again. LWAXANA Oh, but don't hurt the poor dear -- my Joint Chiefs say we might need her in the next war. The viewscreen reverts to the external view once more. PICARD (rubbing his temples) President Troi. What the heck were we thinking? (beat) Well, so much for catching Marrissa asleep. I'll have to think up a plan on the fly. Ext. Roanoke rubber-bands to warp. Ext. Establishing shot of the Enterprise F. Int. Enterprise F bridge. MARRISSA Engineering, what's taking you so long? Int. Enterprise F engineering. A few kids between 5 and 10 years old are milling about; they are wearing Starfleet engineering uniforms. Clara is sitting at a panel touching some buttons. CLARA Hold your horses, your majesty. You can't just jump to infinite speed by flicking a switch, you know. Int. Enterprise F bridge. MARRISSA But it's been *ten* *whole* *minutes*! I wanna go *no-o-o-o-ow*!! (stamps her feet) Int. Enterprise F engineering. CLARA Look, at the high warp frequencies we need, ordinary dilithium breaks down, all right? I only figured out a way to keep it stable six minutes ago. We're converting reserve dilithium to my new form as fast as we can. Int. Enterprise F bridge. MARRISSA (exasperated sigh) CLARA'S VOICE (off-screen, filtered) And in the mean time, I have to set up a depolarization matrix across the *entire* hull of the ship. The work would go a lot faster if I had more engineers, like the ones you beamed away onto the Roanoke. MARRISSA Oh, so now it's *my* fault, is it?! PATTERSON Admiral, we're receiving a hail from (surprised) the Roanoke. MARRISSA (a bit perturbed) Onscreen. Angle on viewscreen. Jean-Luc Picard's face appears. PICARD Well, Marrissa, congratulations on wiping out the Borg! I suppose you'll want to come back to a Federation starbase now, relax a little, bask in the glory and adulation, maybe lie down next to the swimming pool and throw every man that hits on you into the water -- MARRISSA Not on your life, cue-ball. I've only just gotten warmed up. I intend to finish what I started with the Borg, then maybe blow up Romulus -- and *then* I start getting down to business! PICARD Really? I thought you'd at least want to take care of your personal grooming needs first. Your roots look a little dark. MARRISSA (seething) Are you insinuating that I dye my hair?! I'll have you know this is my natural color! PICARD (pretending not to believe her) *Sure* it is, 'Rissa. MARRISSA (eyes glow red) Nobody ... calls me ... *'Rissa*!! Int. Roanoke bridge. We get a glimpse of Marrissa on the viewscreen about to blow her top, just before Picard signals to cut off their transmission and the screen reverts to a normal outside view. PICARD (hurriedly) Activate cloak! Maximum warp, engage! Ext. Roanoke. The ship arcs to the side and begins rubber-banding to warp just as it wavers into invisibility. Nearby, the Enterprise F activates its warp engines and leaps in pursuit. Int. Roanoke bridge. DATA The Enterprise is following us. PICARD Good. Set course for the Sol system and engage. DATA (touching a few panel buttons) Course change complete, sir. RIKER (grinning) "Your roots look a little dark?" That was the best plan you could come up with? PICARD It got her attention, didn't it? DATA We have reached maximum warp, sir. Unfortunately, the power drain caused by the cloaking device limits this vessel to warp twelve. RIKER But the Enterprise can go warp eighteen! We'll never outrun her! DATA The Enterprise has closed to weapons range, Admiral. Ext. Space. A distortion in the shape of the Roanoke warps past. The Enterprise F warps past less than a half-second later, hot on its tail. DATA That is odd. They are not charging their weapons. PICARD Good. I was counting on that. RIKER How's that, Admiral? PICARD If she doesn't annihilate us with the first volley, we might surrender to her. Then she wouldn't have an excuse to kill us. With our cloak keeping her from getting a positive weapons lock, half her phasers and torpedoes will probably miss. RIKER So she'll keep on our tail and wait us out. She probably figures we'll eventually run out of power and then our cloak will fail. DATA (reading his console) Her assessment may be correct. The forced singularity generating this ship's power is beginning to show signs of stress. It was not designed to sustain maximum output. PICARD (bites a knuckle) Damn. We can't slow down now; she'll suspect we're trying to save power and give up on waiting us out. We have to make it to the Sol system. Ext. Space. Same Roanoke-shaped distortion followed immediately by the Enterprise F, whizzing by at warp 12. Int. Roanoke engine room. Loud pulsating warp drive noises fill the air. Geordi is looking at the central forced-singularity chamber. GEORDI (taps comm badge) Admiral, the singularity forcing chamber is getting close to failure. We've reinforced the inner walls with a structural integrity field, but I don't know how long it'll last. Int. Roanoke bridge. PICARD Hold her together, Mister LaForge. GEORDI'S VOICE (off-screen, filtered) But, cap'n, the engines are overloadin'! They canna take much more o' this! She'll bloo apart, Jim! PICARD (sotto voce) Where did *that* come from? DATA Sol system dead ahead. What is our precise destination, Admiral? PICARD Oort cloud object 1173. RIKER (alarmed) Admiral, she knows what's down there. She'll never go back into the vault! PICARD (wryly) Always the pessimist, aren't you, Will? DATA Nearing the Oort cloud object. (beat) Almost there. PICARD Take us out of warp, but keep us cloaked. Ext. Oort cloud object 1173. A Roanoke-shaped distortion un-rubber-bands out of warp and enters orbit. Int. Enterprise F bridge. SHAYNA They've dropped out of warp, still cloaked. MARRISSA Drat! Take us out of warp right along side them. Keep them in our primary weapons firing arc. Oh, and deploy a few squadrons of fighters to the far side of them so we can pen them in. Angle on viewscreen. The stars turn from FTL streaks back into normal stars. Oort cloud object 1173 fills the bottom half of the viewscreen. A Roanoke- shaped distortion floats above it. From the size of the distortion the Enterprise F would have to be practically on top of the Roanoke. A big swarm of Federation fighters appears from the bottom of the viewscreen and moves to surround the distortion. MARRISSA Open a channel. PATTERSON Open. MARRISSA Attention Roanoke, this is Rear Admiral Marrissa Amber Flores Picard Gordon of the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-F, Commanding Admiral of Starfleet, Princess and Heir to the Throne of Essex, Lord High Commander of all Kids Crews, and holder of the highest Kobayashi Maru time in recorded history. You can surrender, or you can be destoryed. SHAYNA (mouthing silently) De-*storied*? MARRISSA Of course, I'd prefer it if you didn't surrender. C'mon, dad, drop your cloaking device and fight me like a man! PATTERSON No response, your highness. (beat) Wait! I'm picking up a coded transmission coming from their ship. It looks like it's intended for Starfleet headquarters, or maybe the President. MARRISSA Can you decode it? PATTERSON (touches some buttons) Yes, ma'am! I've decoded the audio portion. MARRISSA Well, don't just stand there like an Arcturian Megadonkey! On speakers! Patterson touches a few more buttons. A chime indicates the speakers are playing the decoded transmission. PICARD'S VOICE (on speakers) Attention, this is Admiral Jean-Luc Picard currently in command of the Romulan Bird of Prey Roanoke in standard orbit around Oort cloud object 1173. We are abandoning ship. We *would* like to beam into the safety of the vault down there inside the object we're orbiting, except our sensors have just detected a large number of Romulans already occupying the area. MARRISSA Romulans?! (beat) They *must* know I'm listening in. PICARD'S VOICE A whole bunch of Romulans, yes sirree. MARRISSA No, no, I am *not* going to fall for that old trick again! PICARD'S VOICE Fresh, young Romulans. Completely unarmed. (makes lip-smacking noises) Just waiting for someone with a nice high Kobayashi Maru time to beam down and slaughter them. MARRISSA (trying to convince herself) Nope, not going to fall for it again. Un-uh. No no no no no. PICARD'S VOICE Oh, and look! Are those Borg implants on the Romulans? Marrissa shakes, clenches her fists, and groans nervously. She is visibly sweating. PICARD'S VOICE Yep, Romulan Borg. Lots and lots of 'em. Mmmmmmmmm. MARRISSA (breaks down) Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Beam me down into the vault!! SHAYNA But shouldn't we at least use our own sensors to see if those Romulans are really-- MARRISSA *Beam* *me* *down*!! Transporter effect. Marrissa and her 45-foot wedding train disappear. However, the transporter chief forgot to beam her bridesmaids down with her this time. Int. Empty vault deep underground, with its vault door open. Marrissa and wedding train beam in. She looks around eagerly. Then: MARRISSA (angered) Hey! Transporter effect. Picard and Riker materialize right on the other side of the open vault door, next to the lever that originally thawed Marrissa out. MARRISSA There aren't any Romulans in here! (eyes glow red) Why you ... !! Marrissa charges toward Picard and Riker, whirling her scepter over her head as though she intends to smash their skulls in with it. The music gets really loud and menacing. And just before she runs out through the vault entrance, Picard pulls the lever down with a meaningful "kunk!". Loud wind, snow, and blue light inundate Marrissa in mid-stride. When the blizzard clears, we see Marrissa once again entombed in a 45-foot-long block of ice, murderous rage showing in her face and her scepter permanently frozen in an I'm-about-to-bludgeon-you pose. Picard and Riker breathe a deep sigh of relief. EPILOG Ext. Enterprise F moving slowly through space toward a starbase in Earth orbit. PICARD'S VOICE (off-screen, voice-over) Admiral's log, stardate 65127.9. Starfleet's last-resort weapon is back in cold storage. We've returned the Roanoke to the Romulans, along with our condolences over the loss of her crew. I've also resumed my post as Commanding Admiral, Starfleet, because I had my fingers crossed behind my back when I conveyed my authority to Marrissa. It's good to have the Enterprise back. Int. Enterprise F bridge. Everything looks just peachy. RIKER Too bad Marrissa had to kill a whole shipfull of Romulans, Admiral. PICARD That was nothing compared to what she did to Cardassia. RIKER (grinning) Uh ... Cardassia? PICARD When she infiltrated the Borg collective, she annihilated *every* Borg in the quadrant. (beat) Nearly the entire population of Cardassia had been assimilated at the time. RIKER Yeesh. PICARD The few that escaped assimilation are still around, hiding out on the planet; but for the most part Cardassia has become one big mass graveyard. RIKER (grinning) At least we won't have to worry about their Dominion alliance anymore. Or the Maquis. DATA Admiral, we have an incoming transmission from Starfleet Headquarters. PICARD (smirks) Probably a pat on the back for eliminating the Borg with minimal Federation losses. DATA Not likely, sir. Its coded Condition Red. PICARD (concerned) Onscreen. Angle on viewscreen. ADMIRAL NECHEYEV appears. NECHEYEV (on the viewscreen) Admiral Picard, our tracking stations at the Gamma Quadrant wormhole show a massive fleet of Jem Hadar ships coming through. The Dominion is invading the Alpha Quadrant, figuring we're weakened by the Borg attack. PICARD (sighs) Oh no. NECHEYEV Furthermore, the Jem Hadar ships look to be accompanied by Kelvan vessels from the Andromeda Galaxy. PICARD The *Kelvans*? NECHEYEV Yep, they're back. Transmissions from the Klingon homeworld and Romulus indicate that both the Klingons and the Romulans have signed an agreement with the Dominion-Kelvan forces. The Klingons and Romulans won't get attacked if they join forces and help the Dominion and the Kelvans wipe out the Federation. PICARD Oh dear. NECHEYEV And, finally, the entire Q continuum is backing the Dominion-Kelvan assault. A Q continuum member appeared and said something about "getting rid of that pesky Federation thorn in our sides". PICARD The Dominion. The Kelvans. The Klingons. The Romulans. And the Q. Don't tell me ... NECHEYEV Time to get The Weapon back out of cold storage. Starfleet out. The viewscreen reverts to the normal exterior view. PICARD (sighing at the ceiling) There is no rest for the weary. (beat) Mister Data, set course for Oort cloud object 1173, warp six. DATA Course plotted and laid in, sir. PICARD (flicking his finger forward) Engage. Sound effects: Enterprise F's engines rev up. PICARD If I had hair, I swear it would have turned white by now. Ext. Enterprise F. The ship rubber-bands to warp and disappears in a white flash. All that's left are the background stars and the words "Executive Producer Rick Berman". END -- Roger M. Wilcox (rogermw@ix.netcom.com) -- without prejudice UCC 1-207 I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low. Oh, and I'm sodium. MSTie # 38808 | http://www.netcom.com/~rogermw ... now in new EXTRA bold! <*> | "The Truth, as always, is more complicated than that"